Changes

     In January of this year (2013), I had hoped (and prayed) that the spring 2013 semester would be better than the fall 2012 semester in regards to my personal life. However, the spring 2013 semester was no better, and, at times, a bit worse than the previous semester.

     This is what happened during the fall 2012 semester months (of August to December): From late October to the middle of November, my mom was hospitalized because of a fall she had taken. My dad has short-term memory loss and didn’t know where his wife (my mom) was. Mom returned home during Thanksgiving week, which made my dad a very happy man, thankful God returned his wife to him.

     In the middle of November, shortly after returning home from an educators' conference, my youngest cat Bella became so sick I had to take her to the vet. The veterinarian took some blood from her, and when the results came back, he said she tested positive for the feline leukemia virus (FLV). He told me Bella was in the final stages of the disease. Since Bella was in the final stages of FLV, the vet told me that there was not much that could be done to prolong her life. The doctor said her life as it was would get progressively worse in a short period of time. I had to make the difficult decision of having her put to sleep. Therefore, on the morning of Thursday, November 15th, Bella died. She was almost two years old.

     The vet told me that the feline leukemia virus is highly contagious to other cats (not to people). Naturally, I thought of my other cats that came into contact with Bella. Stormy loves to lick (herself, other cats, and people), and I remembered Stormy licking Bella's head on the morning of November 15th - before I took Bella to the vet's office. I took my three cats to the vet, and they all tested negative for FLV. I was so happy they were okay that I took pictures of each of them in their respective cat carriers, as well as pictures of their negative results and posted a collage of the pictures on Facebook.

    The Monday and Tuesday before and after Thanksgiving, I substitute-taught for a fellow reading teacher in addition to teaching my own classes. In all, I taught nine classes, and those classes wiped me out. Thankfully, my boss was able to find another teacher to cover my sick colleague’s classes after I realized I could no longer teach them because of the toll they took on me.

     For the rest of the semester, life was basically normal for me. I cried a great deal about Bella's demise, and I felt guilty about having to make the decision to have her put to sleep, but I felt comfort knowing that she was in heaven and pain- and illness-free (yes, I do believe animals go to heaven after they die).

     Changes occurred for me during the fall 2012 semester. Even more changes occurred during the spring 2013 semester - changes I wish had never happened.

     The first half of the semester was, thankfully, uneventful. I taught five reading classes and one writing class from Sunday through Thursday. In February, I aged another year (although I always tell my students I'm still 39). In February, my dad fell two times. The first time he fell, he broke his shoulder (hairline fracture that required a sling), and the second time he fell, he broke his ankle. He had to wear a cast and was ordered not to put any weight on it while wearing the cast (for 12 weeks). The problem with that order is that dad could not remember it. The two falls caused him to have to leave his assisted-living apartment and live in a nursing home while he was healing. In the meantime, early in March, my mom fell and had to be hospitalized and then, she, too, had to go to the nursing home (my dad is 96 and my mom 94). Their new home became the Lutheran Home, which thankfully is a mere few blocks from my friend's home (where I stay when I go to PA). Because of their separate health conditions, they each had their own room. They were not put into the same room. I was disappointed in that, but, as it turned out, Dad did not miss Mom so much because they did not see each other as often.

     At the unofficial start of Spring Break, I hit my left pinky toe against the corner of a book-filled cardboard box and ended up elevating that toe (and foot) with ice on it periodically for the whole week of Spring Break. This was a blessing and a curse. The blessing is that I could not do the housework I had planned to do during the week-long break. The curse was that I could not wear closed-top shoes except for my $5.00 pair of Crocs (yes, real Crocs for five dollars!) for several weeks after the break. Today, I "touched" a box with that same pinky toe, and now, I'm wondering if wearing my sneakers would be too painful (if I had to go somewhere).

     In the wee hours of Monday, April 8th, I experienced two severe dizzy spells while I was trying to find objects in a hidden object game in Facebook. Later in that morning, I asked my friend if she could take me to the emergency room. While I was waiting for her to come and get me, I called my boss and told her I couldn't teach my classes because I was having dizzy spells off and on that day, and I was going to go to the emergency room to get checked.

     The ER doctor tested my coordination and motor skills by having me follow his finger as it moved left and right in front of me. I also did the test where I had to put my right hand out in front of me and with my index finger, touch the tip of my nose and then touch the doctor's palm repeatedly. Then, I walked away from him and, on return, did the "sobriety" walk of one foot directly in front of the other. I was hesitant to do that because I was feeling off-balance and lightheaded, but I did it. Then, the doctor ordered two separate CAT scans, one without dye and one with dye, called a contrast scan. He told me he was worried a little about me, that my head was wobbling a little. I knew that my eyes were wobbling when I was following his finger left to right; he said he noticed that, too.

     My friend stayed with me while I was in the ER. She waited outside the CAT scan room while I was having the CAT scans done, and she walked alongside my gurney while the nurse was taking me back to the hallway spot in the ER. I was so worried that I had some awful disease or illness that I gave my spare house key to my friend in case I had to spend the night (or more) in the hospital. I tried to call my other friend (the one I stay with while I'm in PA visiting family et al), but my cell phone lost its signal in the ER hallway. I had to use my friend's cell phone to call her and leave a message on her voicemail. She sent a text to my friend's phone to confirm she had gotten my message and hoped everything would be okay.

     The scan results came back negative, and the ER doctor told me he thought it was an inner ear infection. He prescribed meclizine for the dizzy spells (Did you know that you can buy prescription-strength meclizine at the local grocery store? At the time, I didn't know that.) He told me that if I needed to, I could go to my own doctor for further treatment. The one thing he didn't do was look into my ears to confirm the ear infection. My guess is he just wanted to rule out anything more serious.

     I tried to call my doctor, but I couldn't get a hold of him. The number I had for him was wrong, and the number the hospital had for him was also wrong. The hospital's number was that of an ordinary citizen's number, which I discovered when I called it and talked to a woman who said people keep calling her thinking it's the doctor's number. I profusely apologized to her. Because I couldn't contact my doctor, I had to change doctors through my health insurance company. On Thursday of that week, I went to see my new doctor. She looked into my right ear and instantly said, "Ear infection." Then, she looked into my left ear and confirmed her own diagnosis. I asked her why the ER doctor did not look into my ears, and she, too, thought it was because he wanted to rule out other illnesses. My doctor prescribed the Z-pak (azithromycin) because I'm allergic to ampicillin, as well as Ciprodex (anti-bacterial and anti-biotic ear drops). The doctor told me to cut down on salt because the fluid in my ears needs to dry out and salt makes the body retain fluids. Then, the doctor said, "It'll be a while." Wow! She was absolutely right about that.

     I then did extensive online research on bacterial inner ear infections and discovered that healing time can take 10 to 90 days! Wow! The meclizine didn't totally remove the dizzy spells, but it did tone them down considerably. I took meclizine day and night, and because it is an antihistamine, it made me very sleepy. That was great for night-time use, but not so great for day-time use. I was not able to teach or go to work for that whole week. I did teach my Sunday, April 7th, writing class because I was not sick at that time (or so I thought). At least, I wasn't contagious. I returned to work on the following Sunday (April 14th). I was very nervous about getting in the car and driving to work that Sunday because I was afraid I would have a dizzy spell while driving. I did not have a dizzy spell while driving to and from work. I even stopped at the local PetSmart to buy much-needed cat food and litter (I saw my new doctor there; she was stocking up on cat food because she has six cats!).

     While at work that Sunday, I did feel somewhat dizzy and lightheaded while my students and I were in the lab room, but it was very mild. I worked that whole week. By the time my classes ended each night, I was very tired. There is no doubt that the medications and the infection and the work made me more tired than normally.

     On Sunday evening, April 21st, my brother called me to tell me my mom died. In a way, this was not a surprise because Mom had been hospitalized and then taken to the Lutheran Home (LH) for rehab and, eventually, to live there. At one point, one of my brothers called me to say a nurse at the LH didn't think that Mom would make it through the night. I questioned my brother about the nurse, saying, "That was the nurse. What did the doctor say?" Apparently, I wasn't the only one who questioned the validity of the nurse's diagnosis. Other family members also had doubts about Mom's condition. Another brother went to see Mom and called and told me she was fine, that the nurse didn't really know Mom. As the days passed, Mom continued to improve. However, she was very quiet, and, at times, both the nurses and my brothers had to feed her because she was not able to feed herself. She ate very little, and the nurses gave her "power shakes" to restore lost nutrients.

     While I was on the phone with my brother, I told him I could not fly because I had a bacterial inner ear infection, and flying could damage my ears and hearing. When another brother called, I told him the same thing. He told me that some of the other family members could not get to Pennsylvania (PA) until Wednesday or Thursday. Then, I realized that I could drive to PA and make it in time for the viewing and the funeral. I was also texting my friend about Mom's death and future travel plans. I told her I was going to drive to PA. I notified my boss about my mom's death and plans to drive to PA. She told me that arrangements would be made to get a substitute teacher for my classes (the same colleague, by the way, whose classes I covered in November, 2012). She told me, as well, that I could take off for several days for bereavement and illness. What a relief that was to hear that. My colleague covered my classes for two weeks (unlike me, she was not teaching her own classes this past semester).

     On the day I left for PA (Monday, April 22nd), I stopped at the grocery store to buy Dramamine and sodium-low munchies for the trip. I discovered that prescription-strength meclizine can be bought over-the-counter (called Bonine). I took Dramamine during the day and meclizine at night. On Wednesday, when I was about an hour from my final destination, I experienced a bad dizzy spell while driving. Fortunately, I did not have an accident. I kept driving, slowly but surely, to reach my friend's home. My friend drove me to the viewing and the funeral. As a matter of fact, I didn't have to drive while I was in PA, which was good because I figured the more rest I could get the better because I had to drive back to TX that next week. Frankly, I was very scared to drive back home, but I knew that there was no other way. As it turned out, I had to take an extra day of driving to get home. I could drive only about 500 miles a day (a normal trip to PA takes three days).

     I have discovered that caffeine is a no-no during an inner ear infection healing process. I didn't have any coffee while I was in PA. I did have coffee during my trip up to PA. That's why I experienced the bad dizzy spell on day three of the trip. Once I got home, I did have a cup of coffee on Friday and one on Saturday, and on Saturday, I, once again, had a bad dizzy spell. Off and on, for the next few days afterwards, I felt dizzy and lightheaded, so it took a while for me to feel better. I have since bought and made decaffeinated coffee; there is caffeine in decaffeinated coffee, but it is a very small amount (and cold-brewing decaf coffee reduces that amount even more). Today, I drank a cup of decaf coffee. I have not had a dizzy spell (yet), and I hope I don't have one. I don't take Dramamine during the day anymore because that was not working. I wonder if I built up a resistance to it. I still, however, take meclizine at night because that is still doing its job and helps me get to sleep.

     I have not really cried about my mom's death. I did cry on that Sunday night (that she died) when I saw a picture of my mom (in her teen years) that my niece posted on Facebook, but that was a short-lived cry. I cried the other night, but, again, that was a mild cry. I did not cry at the viewing, but I did come close to it. I did not cry at her funeral. I think I did not cry while I was in PA because I thought I had to get things done first. I know that, eventually, I will cry for my mom.

     My brother told me he talked to Mom and Dad several years ago about their will and last wishes. Both of my parents had already told me they wanted to be cremated. When my brother asked my mom what she wanted the family to do with her ashes, she said she wanted me to have them. I was greatly touched by that, but I did not cry. I took Mom's ashes home with me. My friend thought that my mom wanted to go back to Texas (where she was born). The beautiful box that my mom's ashes are in sits on a shelf in my living room (next to Bella's box of ashes) and between two bowling trophies. My friend thought that was a very appropriate spot because Mom used to bowl, and she was very good at it.

     I am still healing from my bacterial inner ear infection; however, the dizzy spells have nearly all gone away. My right ear still feels full, and I hope that that, too, clears up soon. My friend told me that the dizzy spells would go away before the infection does. I think that is true because I have had to cut down considerably on my sodium intake (and caffeine). The fluid in my inner ear is slowly (too slowly, in my opinion) drying up. I look forward to the day I have no dizzy spells, clear ears, and no infection.

     Changes occur whether I like it or not. I'm all for good changes, but I'm not too keen on the bad ones. I have to adjust and adapt to whatever changes happen. God-willing (and with God's help, of course), I will be able to cope with the changes that happen in my life.

     One change that is happening right now, and that I need to pay attention to, is my computer's graphics card is making noises. I know what those noises mean. They mean I have to open the CPU tower, remove the card, and clean it. Eventually, which will come sooner than I want it to, I will have to replace the card with a new one. The card that's in the computer now is only a little over a year old. It's time to upgrade my graphics card - get one that won't die on me a little over a year old.